Listening to: Rainwave - OCRemix
Uh, yeah. Wow. Where do I begin?
It has been 4 years since my last one. A lot has happened. I now live in a completely different country, gone through the process of immigration, had quite a few teething problems fitting into this new life at a social level, seen a whole slew of amazing new things, eaten awesome food as well as discovered many very unpleasant ones, built a dream PC rig, rice and all, lost and gained friends left and right, got engaged, the list really does go on.
Why did I ditch dA after my first flight to the other side of the world? I'm..not sure. Possibly because I lacked a proper platform to put any art out on, but lets face it, most of the stuff I've put out over the years is garbage.
A lot of these things have sentimental value now, if any. I've gone through all my other journal entries, starting way back almost ten years, back in 2005. Oh my god, I cringe at almost every word. I was such a child. Gunbanging? Shadow-whatnow? Darkness darkness emo emo emo hate hate hate brood. Good grief. So, to save myself from embarrassment if anyone were to find them one day and show the world, I've instead archived them all to my personal data storage, and deleted them. Why archive? To remind myself that I used to be an idiot, and a child.
Along with the journals, I'm mulling over how best to deal with some of the deviations I've put up as well. Some of them aren't half bad, namely the late 'Fifty Shades Crying' that's proved to be somewhat of a hit. Some, though..Best locked away. If I could make the Scrapbook private, perhaps I could store them all there, but that doesn't seem possible, so the only other option is to archive them similarly to my journal entries. But I'll probably leave that for some other time.
13000+ pageviews and 3000+ comments total over the entire lifespan of this account. That is..miniscule in real world internet terms, but I can't help but be somewhat amazed that there were thirteen-thousand pairs of eyes willing to look at my things. If only my Youtube account got that kind of traffic. Haaaaa. But in all honesty, thank you to every single one.
I don't want to abandon the account entirely. I think there's still value in it. I do still get creative urges, despite not writing anything up for public view. I find myself putting together more elaborate scenes as time goes on, and often wonder if maybe writing a book really is something I'd be capable of. Still, knowing my track record, it would be another one of those things I never finish. But, there are things I'd like to put up here, and making a new account for them seems wasteful. I have too many accounts on the internet as it is.
Speaking of me, I have been around quite a bit. It didn't occur to me before, until I one day looked up google results for my handle. Since then I've actively made a strong effort to cull down on the amount of accounts I keep, as well as making sure to disconnect this handle from my actual self, because to be fair, I've said and done a lot on the internet that may be considered unusual and potentially unwanted, by either people who consider to be associated with me, or future employers. I do not think having a legitimate ten thousand hours of tracked videogaming time is something I would tell to everyone in the world, especially when sitting on the opposite side of a table with a job interviewer. And since that is actually becoming very common these days, employers looking up their potential new employees on the internet, even going so far as to have them surrender their Facebook account for a scroll-through, I'd rather avoid the hassle.
Truth is, I have become very opinionated about a lot of things. Especially the current state of the videogame industry, moral standards of governments, and what generally goes on in the world. Some of the things happening now are outrageous, and I for one can't stand for any of them, and on occasion I've voiced that opinion, quite several times in fact, as google has shown me.
What I used to be, a naive but helpful boy who really enjoyed videogames has mostly become a more cynical, less excitable fresh adult who still enjoys videogames, but also has a head to understand their shortcomings, and in some rare days, has actually become bored of them. I know. I didn't think that was possible either, but the term gamer fatigue really does hold some truth. It could just be that the shovelware overwhelms everything else and it's becoming a very tiring effort to plow through all the marketing being blasted in our faces to find some value in a game once or twice a year. Don't get me wrong, there are still some great titles out, but they are starting to shrink in amount compared to the avalanche of trash like Ride to Hell, Revelations 2012, Guise of the Wolf, and the mountains of mobile games that are being ported over recently. Great games worth putting several dozen hours into are fewer and further apart, and you slowly start to get dissillusioned with all of it, incapable of getting excited for the next big thing.
As an example, I used to be a very diligent player and fan of GunZ: The Duel. It was a simple Third Person Shooter that was trying something new, going for stylish action a-la The Matrix. I loved it and played it for years, in various iterations of it ( IGunZ, NAGunZ, JGunZ, IJJIGunZ, several private servers, and finally just GunZ, ran by Aeriagames ). The original game is now shut, there may be a private server out there, but officially, the game is no more. However, Early Access on Steam has now been put out for GunZ 2: The Second Duel, a sequel by the same developer. As an old fan, I obviously got excited. There was talk about the second game years ago, when the first was still a very strong and popular title, but it has only now come out as an actual working title. And after playing it for a few hours, I came to the conclusion that it's just..not the same. Graphics are better, with fancy cloth physics and reasonable detail for a 2014 title, but the gameplay has become less fluid, strange limitations forced on the players in the form of gender based classes and class based weapons, an absolute clusterfuck of a shop system for premium and high level items, the netcode is rubbish and at the final end of it all, the game simply feels..less satisfying. And that's sad, because it's meant to be a sequel, an improvement of the original. And I feel it could have gone differently, if the current industry wasn't going for the standards it is pursuing right now.
Next gen is also somewhat of a dissappointment. The XBox One is the dumbest thing I've seen Microsoft produce besides Windows 8, and the Playstation 4 has a poor lineup of games. The Wii U has its own problems too. The last console cycle was 7 years, and the way PC gaming was back then, I was confident next gen would catch back up, but as it turns out, the next gen isn't actually next gen at all. Still pushing 30 Frames per Second, still pushing 720p resolutions or very strange skewed or stretched ones to try and cope with the lack of power these systems have delivered. It might get better, but honestly, I do not believe it will be the 1080p60 era the PC gamers are so used to for several years now, which is now pushing well into the 4K territory, having conquered surround gaming and stereoscopic 3D. It's a shame.
But I did mention that there are still great games out there, and that is very true. I still enjoy some of my old games, as well as new ones. Starcraft 2, as bad as I am at it, is a favorite RTS of mine as Starcraft 1 was back in the day. I've gotten big into Steam and its ridiculous discounts, discovered Platinum Games with their fun titles Bayonetta and Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance, quite possibly my favorite game of all time, and I've kept going with MOBAs, as much as I hate them. The recent Batman games, the Lords of Shadow Castlevania games, 3DS titles like Fire Emblem: Awakening and Kingdom Hearts 3D, Assassin's Creed, Hearthstone, these are but few that I've gone through and enjoyed, or play regularly to this day. I keep a Raptr account now, too, for an even better overview of what I've played over the years.
But enough about the games. I've rambled a whole five paragraphs about them already. What's new with myself, personally?
Well, work is still an issue. Those who remember, I used to complain a lot about the lack. That..hasn't really resolved over the years. I may have gimped myself moving to a different country, but I doubt I would've had better luck back home, as things are bad everywhere in general, as you're all well aware. I also can't drive a car worth a damn yet, which is extremely embarrassing, considering my little sister, a whopping five years younger than me, has already acquired an open license. Proud of her, but not myself. Jeez. Other than that, I've really not achieved anything spectacular. A few videos on a Youtube account, a few measly deviations on this very account, and..that about covers it. I have ideas, many of them, but lack skills or natural requirements to put them out. I thought briefly about trying to make it big on Youtube, but seeing as how it's already heavily saturated with all these Lets Players and other fools hoping to make it big, I've come to the conclusion that I'm not likely to find myself an audience worthwhile.
Mobius-X, a message board I adminned years ago at the end of its life, is now all but dust. It gets a post once a month if lucky, mostly from old members lurking there. The reason for its existence has long since stopped working on new titles, even though many were planned, and the author in question is still alive and well. I've relegated its existence into a purely archival one, as getting rid of it completely is not something I'd do, it holds some valuable memories for a lot of people, still.
And that about covers it. Where do we go from here? Well..I'm not certain. This may or may not be the last journal post I ever make, or it may also be the start of a whole slew of new things. It comes down to chance, opportune strikes of imagination or sparks of creativity, much like Fifty Shades Crying was. I certainly have no interest in keeping this as some kind of blog, I do enough documenting of my own life on Facebook, and honestly, I'm not that interesting of a person to warrant writing about my life every week, or month, or even year. But hey, at least I'm alive and well, and life isn't anywhere near as bad as it used to be. There is hope for me, yet!
If you've any interest in contacting me, you're welcome to do so over Steam, Skype, Raptr. There are people I knew long ago that I'd love to hear from again. SupahSonikku, Terra, The Dying Informant, Kojichan, CMS, Ramon, Link, DAC, and many others I have not seen in a long time, I'd love to hear from you again to see where life's taken you! All of us had a place in my past, but we've all gone separate ways, and many of you no longer keep in contact by old means. And if I don't hear from you, I still wish you do well in whatever you're doing in your daily life.
UPDATE: Huh..I didn't realize putting deviations into scraps all those years ago meant they'd be deleted. Guess those are lost forever, comments and all. Bit of a shame, but not a big loss by any means. Oh well.
That's it, that's all.